Friendship and legacy

Friends that care about you tell you what they think. They take care of your things like they are theirs. Friendship doesn't have a regional or zip code.

2 years ago

Latest Post 30 years and counting by Victoria Esposito public

Google search on friendship returns

a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations."because of the friendship between our countries, we had a very frank exchange"

I have been fortunate enough that throughout my life I have met people that have given me insights, support, a sense of belonging, or just plain kindness.

I am selective about my friends and never about my acquaintances since you never know who might ripe for becoming a friend. My good friend Martin an electric individual, full of passion for his work and vocation came into my life as a random acquaintance during a bike ride with my Filini Bike Team.

Some friends I don't even meet them as often in my weekly routines. As an example, my friend RJ is a very dear friend to me and I have spent time with him less than any other friend I have ever had, locally. And despite that when we meet it feels we have been in the company of one another for months in a row. We used to have cross company lunches before COVID hit and now is not even a text message.

Two years ago when I was talking at parties with friends about my plans to relocate, they were all listening and then quickly dismissing with "forget about this Panama thing...". As the 45th disgraceful American presidents would say about Panama it's a "a shithole". I don't think so and I didn't so either back when we were really close to go and test the water first hand.

My friends didn't want us to be in a bad place or perceived as such. That's care. People that don't tell you what they think don't care about you as much as you would for them.

I distinctly remember my friend Lorenzo telling me "forget about Panama, that's not happening. Let's talk about retiring in a different place...How about Italy?" and until we changed our mind about Panama, for unrelated reasons to Trump's comments the vast majority of the people told us the same.

Not surprisingly, when we made public that our final choice was Hawaii, the mood and request for information became increasingly positive and more motivating. As the old say goes "friends don't let friends <something bad here>". As the interest became overwhelmingly positive we decided to share our findings of Moloka'i so that whoever would have been interested would have saved time, money and definitely found a wealth of knowledge that you can't hunt online. That's how this blog came to be in first place.

As shown in many of my posts on this blog I am transparent to a level that most people are uncomfortable to emulate or as my American friends say "you have no filters". So I very vehemently shared all our research about Molokai and somehow I came to realize that people were taking away that my intent was to bring them with us because we could have been lonely otherwise. I don't recall one thing that I did in my life that was popular at the time I did it and then of course as time matures for everyone, things have changed and I happened to be the first in line.

So in the process I figured that pushing on them what I thought was what they were asking or what would have been a demonstration of caring. Turned out perhaps was the wrong thing to do on my part.

I was sending a different message from what I intended. As I realized that, I started tuning down my stories of Molokai at parties because I start getting the feeling that I was monopolizing the conversation for who was curios and annoying for who had already heard the same gist too many times.

Interestingly enough, people that I had not pitched at all what we had learned in Moloka'i or about our intentions to relocate were reaching out as they figured that we were actually moving. One of those was Peter, the author of a great book based on a personal bike journey that I loudly recommend.

That brief message turned into a call that lasted enough for Peter to seriously looking at a piece of land and go, full steam islander. Like a hut instead rather than a traditional house, then farming and going full in with the self-sustainability and all that.

Photo by Roxanne De La Peña / Unsplash

When he described how barebone he wanted to go, I thought of that picture and probably not too far from what it could be happening :-)

So I guess this experience taught me the value of information sharing vs the way it is shared. On one side I regretted being too open with some and definitely feel bad for not telling others at all. I moved many times in my life and often and at very large distances but I was very young and only now I understand what it means to at this age. There are many other implications and reference points for the life you have built around yourself.

As I learn more as part of this process I understand that in most cases it wasn't me or what I was sharing that was creating the uncomfortableness of the situation.

It was the fact that most people are terrified of making lifestyle changes.

They are afraid of taking the unbeaten path and more than anything they are scared of telling "all that" to themselves.  

I am all subject to all those things too, but I don't let them overcome my intentions. I use them as a bell to keep myself in check for the decisions I make but not to stop me from making them in the first place.

Bushradical on YouTube perfectly describes what I so late understood about making choices. The video should start at the right time but if it doesn't just swing at minute 5:14 to hear the core of his thoughts.

Often people get strangled in their own logic. I can't do this or that because of time/money/else; you name it. And often they end up working toward their perceived obstacle rather than the goal.

Nonetheless, despite many clearly getting this feeling of me pushing them to adhere to this project as part of "let do it together" rather than "see the social opportunity ahead of us", the true sentiments of our friendship, have been prominent in every encounter. For example, the week of when Victoria left we had several dinners where we were gathering and sharing knowledge about Molokai, feelings, and hopes as one. Tim is actively trying to recruit someone to buy a lot of lands together and progressively build something on it.

We celebrated the Chinese new year, listened to music through a retro setup that Tim is very proud of. And now I think so too because of him. I got the vinyl bug as well!

Many families are planning to spend either spring break or summer break in Molokai. To come and explore the island, see the property, and of course spend time with us, under the stars. I anticipate that for who have the mindset of vacationing will be largely disappointed because Molokai can be anything but a mall-island like Maui and the Big Island. The ones that instead come with the mindset of explorers are probably going to see the opportunity I saw. A lifestyle reboot.

As I clean up the house and start giving away things that I know they will not do well on their own while we're in paradise, I feel that some of those things need a proper home with someone that would care for them as much as we were when on the mainland.

I gave our big living room TV to Martin because he's moving to a new place and a TV is always good to watch our future YouTube channel on a bigger screen. Expect lots of content as we gear up the equipment and content ladder.

Another thing that I wanted a proper home for is Antonio-la-mazza. It's very hard to grow lemon with the shitty Seattle weather and after many attempts we finally had lemons. I didn't want the little fellow to die while we are on Molokai. Our friend Tiziana had a love for that plant since she laid her eyes on it the first time. Therefore, it was naturally of me to think of her as THE person that should have adopted our lemon tree.

Judging by the images she has been sending me over Whatsapp you can tell that the lady totally loves Antonio which probably now has a more Sardinian's name. The fellow gets moisturized, sanitized, a proper pot, and even vaporized with essential oils. I mean... this dude should pay the rent!

As I write this, my friends, have shown up at my doorstep and in clear COVID19 protection mode, they have found a way of making me feel special and at the same time celebrate me. It's an overwhelming feeling because it's hard to leave such positive, warm friends that take the extra-extra route to make your day feel special.

Here is the video of what happened on my birthday, a demonstration that friendship has no boundaries and that if you are a good human you end up having people that regardless of your unintended action will always appreciate you for what you are.

They blew me away with kindness!

This is what I posted on my Facebook account to mark the event, and the outpouring of love has been overwhelming and beyond expectations.

That's all for today and in the meanwhile, have a bLife moment!

Mario Esposito

Published 2 years ago